Recorded July 13
Track: City Appearing
Artist: Julia Holter
What intrigues me about this song is how it starts out in this dreamy flow state and then disintegrates into a cacophony that, at first, sounds exhilarating, but then (to me, at least) becomes chaotic and disturbing. I wanted to replicate those sensations in my body somehow, moving from light to dark.
It wasn't until I was watching the video afterwards that I really took notice of my reaction to "the dark," those moments just after I stopped spinning:
First, I exert great force to fight against it. I give myself little time to recoup before testing my balance and attempting to move on. I try to look graceful. I press on even though I'm nauseous. I go to the floor and roll around. Still trying. To what? For whom?
And then I finally listen to my body. It says: JUST STOP. BE STILL.
And so I do, and I feel a distinct return to light.
Side note: In the beginning of this video, I'm doing a moving meditation created by Peggy Hackney (c) 1996 and taught to me very recently by my lovely friend Lucy Dubose. I changed sequence of the movements a bit. It's called "The Ritual," and the words go like this:
I ground myself in the Earth.
I gather energy from the Earth and bring it through myself to the Heavens.
I receive from the Heavens.
I open myself to recognize that I am in community.
I return to myself.
I enclose to take time to be with myself.
I gather from my heritage what is useful to me.
I value my present qualities.
I take all of me into my embodied future.